Have you ever been at a place in your life where you felt like every time you tried to fix something, it actually made it worse? For example, one of the best decisions I made was joining the military. After years of pondering and praying about what direction I should take and for the betterment of my family, I made the tough decision to get out. Unfortunately, my timing couldn’t have been worst. At the time the country was in a bit of a recession and the state that I lived in was hit pretty hard. During those dry times when you have to make decisions that not only affect your life but directly impacts the lives of others, it can make the situation that much harder.
By being in a dry place I was afraid to even trust my own judgment when it came to making decisions. I felt like I had to ask two or three people within my inner circle before I would even act on an idea. Now the fear of failing or the fear that at any moment the bottom would drop out of my situation was very real. And being that I had a runners spirit (you can read all about that in Running-Overcoming the Spirit of Fear) standing still and seeing one idea through past the initial “looks like this was a horrible idea” phase wasn’t even an option for me. Not only had I found myself in a very dry place, my faith was starting to waver. Most times my journal entries looked something like this, “Never thought my life would be like this… it seems as if the struggle is getting harder and not easier. I don’t know why I’m hurt and overwhelmed. I just want the situation to turn around. I hate living in fear. Fear of losing everything, fear of never reaching my goals. Fear and anxiety have a death grip on me and it’s getting worse not better. I have no solution to the problems… every time I try to fix it, it makes it worse. I have prayed and prayed about it and it’s getting worse. What do I do now? What’s my end game? How do I fix it?”
“”True, he struck the rock and water gushed out, streams flowing abundantly, but can he also give us bread? Can he supply meat for his people?” When the Lord heard them, he was furious; his fire broke out against Jacob, and his wrath rose against Israel, for they did not believe in God or trust in deliverance. Yet he gave a command to the skies above and opened the doors of the heavens; he rained down manna for the people to eat, he gave them the grain of heaven.” (Psalm 78:20-24 New International Version)
Other times it looked like this, “Heavenly Father, I can feel your love strengthening me. Father I’m trusting in you, not the promise but the promisor. Your love is everlasting. When I need to be held, your there. When I need a shoulder to lean on, your there. Father, I know you will never leave me nor for sake me and I will just continue to pray that your will be done in my life. Only you can right this wrong. Houses built on a sandy foundation can never withstand the storms of life. But a house built on the ROCK are unshakeable and unmovable. I pray you continue to give me strength to fight this battle. Lord God, your words are embedded in my heart and I will put on the whole armor of God and fight. Pain produces power!”
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12 New International version)
See the difference? In one entry even though I had prayed about the situation, I started to doubt if it was going to be fixed and started trying to fix it in my own strength (Which didn’t work out to well for me). I had become desperate and in my desperation I had allowed fear and doubt to block my faith. In the second entry although it was the same level of desperation, I allowed my faith to take over and realized that my strength was coming from the source, God, not myself. I had to stop trying to put my hand in everything and learn how to stand on his promises. ~ Tashauna
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 New International version)