After months of procrastinating, I’m finally publishing this post. This is personal and painful, but after much prayer what was given to me was, “The discomfort will only last for a little while. What you’re going to birth will be well worth the pain!”.
At one point in time I really felt like God had turned his back on me and left me out to dry. I struggled with the why me’s and why not them mindset. I quickly became frustrated and annoyed with the whole situation. For years I harbored anger, bitterness and resentment for my circumstances, but through praying and fasting God gave me a revelation. My pain wasn’t in vain and my journey was made harder by my reaction to the situation. Instead of glorying in the fact that I was still here, still present on this earth I became upset and complained that I had to endure this walk alone.
God, I must keep my promises to You. I will give You my offerings to thank You, because You have saved me from death. You have kept me from being defeated. So I will walk with God in light among the living. Psalm 56:12-13
I believe God left me here for two reasons. One to be a mother and a shepherd to my children and secondly to do his will. Now how can I make such a bold statement like that, because seven years ago, I was in the fight of my life and I didn’t even know it. Two weeks before my due date I found myself laying on the bathroom floor hemorrhaging. After calling my best friend and being persuaded to call 911 because the baby could’ve been in distress I complied. (My reasoning behind not wanting to call 911 was because I believed it would somehow stop on its own and I had lost my medical coverage and didn’t want to incur a huge bill, stupid and foolish of me right.) After arriving at the hospital via ambulance I had to have two blood transfusions. The next day after laboring all night I delivered my daughter, but before I could even hold her I was whisked off to the operating room because I had began hemorrhaging again. Unfortunately, this time it wasn’t stopping without emergency surgery. After having surgery and over twelve blood transfusions and plasma (I depleted the hospitals supply and more had to be flown in) I went into a coma and was placed on a ventilator.
Click here for Part 2: Labor & Deliverance Part 2/
“The Lord your God is with you; the mighty One will save you. He will rejoice over you. You will rest in his love; he will sing and be joyful about you.” Zephaniah 3:17