Looking Back – Reminiscing on “the Good, the Bad and the Ugly Times”

While sitting at my desk listening to music I started reminiscing about how my life has changed over the past few years. My life isn’t perfect and I still have many goals that I have yet to reach but, I’m not where I use to be. Reminiscing on the good times also brought to mind the times in the not so distant past when things weren’t so great. I went from a few years of riding an incredible high to experiencing an almost unbearable low. At times life seemed to come at me fast and hard, while other times the blows were softer and milder.  For the longest my life resembled one of those movie scenes where you see the speeding train about to run full speed ahead into a car that’s now stalled out on the tracks, while the now trapped occupants stare helplessly out the window while bracing for the impending impact. That’s how hard life was coming at me. Everything from my finances to my health was tried and tested. During those super lean years, I would have to rely on gifts from family members and friends to brighten my children’s birthdays and holidays because I simply couldn’t afford to buy many gifts. Like any loving parent not being able to do for my children the way I wanted to cut me to the core.  With the passing of each year, things became more difficult than the year before, the phrase “tight budget” couldn’t come close to describing my situation. I was literally robbing Peter to pay Paul and then robbing Paul to pay everyone else.

Strange thing is, throughout it all my kids never complained. My youngest was born into the dysfunction, my oldest however, remembers the “Good times”. He’s seen the better days and the absolutely horrible ones. Times when our utilities were continuously being cut off because I couldn’t afford to pay them and buy food as well. Times where he couldn’t go to school because the car that was outside the night before, had now magically disappeared and all that was left was an empty parking space. He’s had to endure watching me go from being in perfect health one day, to almost dying twice and ending up in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) while trying to bring his sister into the world. My children have seen me be knocked down by life repeatedly from every side, but I was never knocked out!

While going through those times I had moments where I thought, ” I might not make it through this and if I do I’m gonna be bruised and scarred”. Believe it or not, I’m thankful for having to experience those super lean years. Those times taught me that, sometimes in life things just happen. That at the end of the day, material things are truly just that…THINGS. And when we get that final call and we go to meet our maker, it doesn’t matter what we have and what we don’t have because either way, we can’t take it with us.

One of my biggest take aways from those trying times, was relearning how not to bring yesterday’s woes into today, because today will definitely come with its own set of problems. Throughout life difficult times will come and go, for me the times where all we had was each other to cling too, those precious moments that were birthed out of the most difficult of times, are the moments that will forever outshine the others. ~ Tashauna


4 thoughts on “Looking Back – Reminiscing on “the Good, the Bad and the Ugly Times”

  1. You are amazing. A rock, solid and true. I have always admired your strength. Your ability to pour yourself out in these beautiful , moving prose is life shaking. I love you my gorgeous friend, my sister in heart and service. You are truly amazing.

    1. From one strong woman to another, you have always been behind me, pushing me and sometimes without even knowing it pulling me throughout it all. Your love and support has always been unwavering and I will always be eternally grateful for our sisterhood! We truly are desert flowers! Love you girl #myprayerpartner #noweaponsformedaganistusshallprosper #strongwomenpusheachother

  2. Proverbs 31:26-31
    “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children raise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her ‘many a woman have done excellent, but you surpass them all’ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised….”

    When I think of you, I feel this verse resonate in my heart. May the Lord continue to bless you and keep you and your children always Tashauna — love you 😘

    1. As I read this and re-read it again I can’t even put into words the rush of emotion. I am so thankful that at times when I needed someone to really hear me you were there to listen. When I felt like no one could possibly understand where I was coming from you did. You encouraged me to dig deeper when I tried to play it safe. Thanks for being my pillar to lean on. You are a true force to be reckoned with. You are a diamond and never allow anyone try to dim your shine!! Xoxoxo

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